4AM

Im such a whore for inspiration. I will do ANYTHING to be inspired to write. What is it about inspiration that quacks writers out? I go months without publishing and then suddenly Ive got something to say? Creative juices flowing, ideas left and right. Ok, so I know what it is but dont want to say it.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night terrified? I don't know why, who or what but something woke me up abruptly in a state of panicked confusion, not to mention I SWEAR I heard a loud crash at my front door.

Perhaps it was my inspiration. I suppose I should work on my novels now...

We're ALL American!!!!

One of my favorite books growing up was Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice". I loved the irony of Elizabeth, the main character, blasting Darcy for being proud and prejudiced when ultimately it was her who misjudged him when her pride was wounded. Its the kind of novel you learn a valuable life lesson from...or so I should have.

This past weekend I visited Chicago with my two hijabi friends and we rented a car to get around the city. At the end of our stay, we took a shuttle to the airport after returning our car to the rental place. The driver of the shuttle meets us and his first question to me as he's loading our luggage into the shuttle is: Is everyone here American?

Now, normally I can laugh things off, take it all in stride, brush my shoulders off, act like water, live and let live, breathe, count to ten...thousand, yada yada... BLAH BLAH BLAH.

This was NOT one of those times. Blood pressure rising, face getting hot, shuttle driver about to lose his head..."Um, YEAH!" I scream at the driver as my thoughts raced: Unbelievable! What the hell is wrong with you people and yall always actin' like different translates into "isnt American"?? Oh what, being born here doesnt count biatch!?! Is everyone who wears a hijab somehow a terrorist? Are you going to tell them to go back to China, ignorant shuttle driver man!? I bet you think you have to ask me, because you're not sure they can speakka any English huh?? Go ahead, ASK ME IF I KNOW WHERE OSAMA is so help me I will bust a ....

...And then I realized he asked my friends what airline we were flying, American Airline, and then asked me to clarify, since they had already boarded, if everyone was [flying] American. (Well, that and I don't have a cap to bust in anything.)

Um, yeah, I felt just a little stupid. No lessons learned at all!

We've all had our pride wounded at one point or another, whether it be the result of racism or something as simple as a crushed heart. What doesn't break us, does make us stronger; however sometimes it causes us to perpetuate the racism/ignorance or what-have-you by constantly putting us on the defense and in wait for someone to dare repeat the crime, often eliciting the response without the stimuli. (ie: we're ready to bitchslap someone for calling us ARAB before they even have the chance to do so!)

Where does that leave us but bitter and ignorant ourselves? Wasn't it one person's ignorance and bitterness that burned us in the first place?

Often times the root cause of anticipated discrimination, if you will, is that we have issues with who and what we are. We project our own self-rejection onto others and the anger that ensues is nothing more than the anger we feel towards ourselves. If we were OK with ourselves, we would see no need for anyone to jump to any conclusions other than how AMAZING we are!

Lessons for me to takeaway from this? Next time before I let Shanaynay take over:
1.) Stop.Breathe.Relax
2.) Think: does this person mean me harm? If so, go to 4.
3.) Do I love myself? If so, go to 4.
4.) Smile and walk away. Do not ever go to 5.
5.) Lose your cool.

We are in control of our emotions and feelings. No one can ever make you feel upset. Its up to us whether we allow someone to get to us. And for all its worth, its true what philosophers from the past have written: kindness does kill. :D

His Mama

My Punjabi Hubby

$1.50 Cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory??

What twisted, perverse, damaged, and unsettled mind came up with this cruel offer???? The devil thats who! He is the marketing brainiac for Cheesecake Factory.

...staying home tonight and ignoring all the text message invites out to the factory.

CHICAGO

Ok so three days just isnt enough to do Chicago thoroughly, but Im so glad I got the opportunity to visit with my two friends this past weekend. Its been forever since going back (I was born in Chicago but left for the east coast in the mid-80s because of Papa's job -- Maryland doesnt really compare and for that matter neither does Philly now). Its surreal being in places you don't remember but have only seen in pictures. Though I left early on in life, Chicago certainly left its mark on my life noticeable in my love for tall buildings, fountains and ketchup-less hot dogs (aka Chicago-style)!

In the three days, we managed to do most all touristy spots necessary: Sears Tower, Lake Shore Drive, Wrigley Field, Buckingham fountain, Soldier Stadium, museums, Navy Pier and of course Devon St. aka lil Pakistan!

I was so surprised to see such polite people in the city, drivers included. The mid-west is so chill and laid back. Ive never seen so many closed restaurants in a MAJOR city!! I miss it though...a lot. I picked up a packet of postcards from the Sears Tower tourist shop and I plan to send my parents one every other day with the same message: WHY DID WE LEAVE????????????? :(