Living alone certainly has its advantages: peace & quiet, ample closet space, and sole custody of the remote control. However, sometimes it has its disadvantages: you have to kill bugs yourself, no one can hand you a towel when you're in the shower, you cant blame anyone else for the mess in the kitchen, and sometimes its creepy coming home to an empty house.
On most occasions the noises I hear upon entry after being outside can be filed away under "House settling/Wind". Ive finally come to a point where I feel secure enough to make this statement and believe it. Wednesday night I believed in it a bit TOO much.
As soon as I walked in I heard a scuffle-like noise from the rear of the house. I stopped, listened for ... breathing?, and then proceeded to put my stuff down and carry on.
...and then I heard a DISTINCT crash come from my utility room. Followed by an UNMISTAKABLE loud bang.... Ok the loud BANG was my heart exploding against my chest cavity.
OK split-second IM-SO-GOING-TO-DIE thoughts? Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, THERES SOMEONE IN MY APARTMENT! Theres someone who's trying to ESCAPE through the back door in my utility room!?!?!? The door is double-locked -- he'd need a key to get out!! What do I do?!
What do I do? Disregard the mace on my keychain and grab the CLOSEST thing near me --- a PLASTIC knife!
... and I make my way to the rear of the apartment making as much noise as possible in hopes of alerting the intruder of the fact theyve been found! -- this is the same time I look down and notice the PLASTIC FREAKKIN KNIFE in my hand.
I get to the door and I hear a squeak -- I SWEAR TO GOD -- and I feel like Ive gone insane. THAT is NOT how a HOUSE settles! I come closer and I catch a glimpse of something through the vents in the door --- something small moving around -- OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYEWWWWWGODDDD its a MOUSE! --- OR A RAT! A nasty disease infested rat!
I realize that the incessant scuffle is because the creature has gotten stuck to a sticky bug strip and now is incapable of running away. I realize I have to find out what it is -- so I open the door -- a crack and notice a plastic cup I keep on the toppest shelf is on the ground. I finally look behind the door and notice --- A BIRD! A poor little disgustingly nasty sweet bird is stuck and shaking.
My professor came down from upstairs and successfully pealed the bird off the tape and then we set it free and it flew away. I felt like such a good person because the bird lived.
Oddly enough, this story comes at the eve of the NFC Championship game between two birds -- the Philadelphia Eagles, woohoo --- and the Arizona Cardinals -- boohoo!!
Alls I gotta say is: GO EAGLES! :D
4 comments:
I feel bad for the bird...unless it was a cardinal and then I would have wanted you to beat him into unconsciousness with a broom lol :) I think anticipating the game has got to me, when people talk about Eagles winning I scold them for not saying 'InshAllah' (even white people @ work lol). For so many years our team motto was best put by a wise philosopher named Homer Simpson, who said "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try." This year is different and a win tomorrow can make this dude from California mucho happy :) Take care!!!
Haha, you're so funny and JUST like me. I do the SAME THING! Esp on shows like ESPN or the news where they talk of their predictions for Eagles winning I always SCREAM INSHALLAH!!!!
:D
Your story made me laugh! It reminded me of how scared I would get over strange noises when I was a young woman and living alone. Our minds can make up some really scary ideas!
everything you write about living alone is true for me & i have such an overwrought imagination
sweet
bird fly away
or perhaps you'll
stay?
Post a Comment