Family vs. Individual

"Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man." - Don Corleone, The Godfather

He's right. Family is paramount. But sometimes family has nothing to do with how a person turned out. Early this morning it dawned on me how twisted desi mentality can be at times. Everything in desi culture, specifically Pakistani and Indian, revolves around the family. The family. The family contains honor, traditions, values, lessons, learnings and beliefs. But, is family really everything?

Let's see, I agree to some extent a man's family can say a lot about his nature, but is it alawys a fool-proof, tried and true, surefire example of his ideals, morals and inner thoughts? How much can you blame family for a son's hurtful mannerisms?

Being raised Muslim, under a religion which puts all of the power of decision and actions on our own person, is it easy enough to judge a man by his family? On the Day of Judgement it has been stated that no one's mother or father will come to aide. Its every man for himself.

So why are we as a society still caring so much about family? Is this the reason why desi men never see themselves as being responsible for anything? They dont see themselves as ever having done wrong, its just enough that they come from a good family background and ergo either cannot do wrong, will not do wrong, or there's been a mistake -- check your witnesses, it might not have been a red shirt and blue jeans the perp was wearing at EXACTLY 5 o'clock in the afternoon the day of the robbery.

The fact that a man's father, mother, brother, sister and cousin are doctors doesnt necessarily mean that he should by default be treated like one, deserve the same respect as one, or even get the same pay as one without ever having stepped into a medical class at all?

How much of our culture blames families for bad behavior? If you have two sons that come from the same family, raised in the same time period, one good, one evil, who is to blame there?

When applying to a job, is it ever enough to say that you went to a good school for your education? At some point, a transcript still needs to be furnished to determine whether or not anything was learned.

What about a person's core being? What about their nature? What about their trials and tribulations that possibly might have shaped an orphan into a bigger, better man? Environment does have a big role to play, but in the end it all boils down to how a person faired in that environment and whether they came out on top.

The argument can go either way. What if you have before you two scenarios:

A.) Spoiled brat of a boy grows up to be a man, eventually, after having committed several heinous acts of violence, always being into things, just your all-around average no good guy. He comes from a top notch family. Its happened before, it'll happen again. The guy will eventually clean himself up... someday and you hope he'll part forever with his ways.

B.) Honest to goodness low class man comes up from a hardknock life, gets through school working three jobs while raising himself and his three younger siblings, two who arent even his blood siblings, after his mother ran off to join the circus after not having been able to take it when her husband, who otherwise from a respectable family ran off with the maid. Finally graduates. Works in a top notch firm.

Who would you choose and why? On the one hand, B's had a terrible upbringing but yet somehow has managed to make the most of the situation while A's had it great all his life yet he's nothing but a free-loader who just got lucky.

OK so most cases in real life arent this slap-you-in-the-face obvious, but we need to stop riding high on our family's laurels. Its high time we stood our own ground and were noted for it. Dont you think?

Moreover, family history seems to be more applicable to a girl's nature than a guys nature if you ask me. Guys must venture out, be something on their own, stand on their own and be responsible in creating their own family from scratch. Girls, on the other hand, bring with them values passed down from their families because most girls generally live in the HOME ENVIRONMENT longer. But guys dont really spend much time indoors, in homes, or even in the same country for that matter. For a girl, home environment is like marination -- everything sinks in all the way through. For a guy, family is more like an egg wash, something superficial that just keeps meat from sticking to the bottom of the pan.

So where does whether or not he comes from a good family play such a huge factor?