...Yeah But They're Funny! - Jokes

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.

Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.

Jose says, "Look at your sign essay." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"

Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico"


The Five Answers We Have All Been Waiting For

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they are wild and wet. However, when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Thought for the day:

What is a man's ultimate embarrassment?

Answer: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose


Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

"Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.


Sign in a Business Window

"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business . . and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back. But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement . . We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer: A Funeral Home
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)