Biodata - The Ugly Truth of Desi Marriages

I had started to feel better, really. I went out, ran errands, met my study buddy to brush up on my Chem and then it happened. Out of nowhere a call from my sibling, who shall remain unnamed but Im sure needs no introduction, puts me on the verge of a nervous breakdown in the middle of Barnes & Noble, visibly angry, shaken to the core.

My sister called to finalize my biodata and needed to ask me a couple of questions about my hobbies. Below is what she put together, typed and spell-checked. She sent me the word document, password protected, which I thought was pretty funny since... ITS MY LIFE dammit, but who asked me, right? I see she removed, "Enjoying life to the fullest while Im not tied down by some egotistical, self-absorbed, good for nothing, insecure, Mama's boy, Pakistani/Whatever man" from my hobbies. Perfect. So let's go through it, and let me interpret what she wrote and what she means...just my two cents...

Farah (yes, thats her real name... +2pts)
Age: 27 (again, her real age... +10pts)
Born on September 19, 1979 in Chicago, Illinois. (READ: If you don't have a greencard, you cant borrow hers for the time being because she doesnt have one either. Naturalized citizen suckkkaaa...)
Height: 5’7” (If he has to ask her height it most certainly means he's not tall enough)
B.S. in Biology (University of MD/Eastern Shore); B.S. in Cytotechnology (Thomas Jefferson University) --- Shes got enough BS in her life -- you're only special to yo mammma!

Farah’s family is seeking a Sunni muslim professional for Farah between the ages of 27 and 34. (My turn--- 34??? Excuse me? Awwwww HELLLLL NAWWWW! Scratch it: 24 - 32.. much better. No fractional age. Fractional ages means they're still mentally at recess.)

They are looking for someone that is a devout muslim, who is respectful and traditional. (READ: NO DHOTHIS/LUNGHIS/CHADARS/KURTHAS/CHAPALS. Sorry.)

It is preferred that the gentleman has most (of his teeth?), if not all, of his schooling completed outside of Pakistan. (LOL.. yeah that too... how about we take him completely out of Pakistan altogether)

Farah does not wear hijab, however, she is quite modest (and iA plans to someday so if you got a problem with hijabis then click NEXT now-- I swear I hate this).

She is a generous, caring, fun-loving individual who values her family and enjoys spending time with them. (REALLY? Yall get that vibe from me? Damn.. jk)

A few of her hobbies include reading, cooking, traveling, photography, and entertaining her friends and family. (...and blogging about them behind their backs -- hehe hehe hehe)

Farah comes from a well respected, educated family. Her maternal grandfather, Dr. Sardar Ali Sheikh, was a prominent surgeon in Lahore, Pakistan until his untimely death in 1978 of a heart attack. (Now -- why does this matter if the guy isnt from Pakistan at all?)

Farah is the daughter of Maryland based Dr. ########, a veterinarian who works for the USDA, and Mrs. Parveen Nawaz, who works as part of the senior staff child care team at their local hospital.

The middle of three daughters (middle -- my drama is enough for the both of us I hope you've got a level head and a sense of humor), Farah is currently working in Philadelphia, PA. (I love how she doesnt say exactly what it is that I do -- I doubt sizing men up by their sperm is a good idea to include in here)

Her older sister, a chemist, is 29, married, and the mother of 2 children (can we figure out who wrote this???? Chemical mastermind -- who's she kissin' up to??). Farah’s brother in law is a structural engineer who works for a consulting company. (oh yeah.. .and)Farah’s younger sister is 18 and a freshman in college. (the other daughter.)

Its like...........its HER and then the other two. Tauba. Id tell her a thing or two but then somehow my parents have interpreted Islam to include obeying her along with God and them.

I tried to do the thing where I count to ten to calm down and laugh this off... Im at like 942, 345.. 6... 7... 8.... nope.. not calm yet.

Anyway, getting back to my bugs -- no haha, my unseen unknown stranger on bended knee... someone raised a good point: Perhaps its more than the literal. (Praise Allah, she's got it!) Yes, marriage is on my mind, but perhaps its not the ring Im rejecting, but rather the idea of marrying someone I dont know? Hmmmm.

Marriage isnt something that happens when we're not looking. Its supposed to be something thats carefully thought through and planned and systematically organized and executed and makes sense. Right?

Ok, Im wrong. Allah's already done the thinking, all we have to do is sit back on auto-pilot and let life lead the way. But the thing we sometimes forget is that the who, what and how is left up to us. Im curious..arent you.. single folk curious? More so than who I want to know what. What's he like? What does he dislike? What's his fondest childhood memory? What's the one thing someone said to him that changed his life for the better forever? What's the one thing he fears the most? What's he smell like? Will he instinctively know when Im about to cry and find some off the wall way to make me laugh, diverting my attention? Will he read my blog and comment in agreement with me even when the blog is about something he did wrong? Will he be man enough to let me shine... even if he has to polish me himself.. never taking credit for having done so? Will he like the same sitcoms I like? Will he drive a fast car? Will he always do the right thing....especially when no one is looking?

These are questions I want to ask him.....directly. Not something that can be addressed to a number or a face mere minutes before they sit down across from someone else.

Maybe thats just me, and thats how I feel. But, then again, what do I know?

(the waiting game)