I Think Therefore 'I Do' vs I Think Before 'I Do'

I looked online for the best questions to ask before getting married. Most of the sites concentrated on what you should ask your potentional mate. I like this website the most because it made the questions about us rather than a 'them'.

1) Ask yourself why you want to get married.

My answers: Because my parents are threatening to disown me if I dont? Because Im tired of being a charity case for middle-aged rotten Aunties who don't quite understand the phrase, "Im single by choice"? Because I live alone? Because I need someone to kill bugs, take out the trash and bring in groceries? Because everyone else is doing it, sometimes two or three times over? Because I cant help feeling like Im missing something when I come home to an empty apartment? Because I need someone to watch my bag when I'm trying stuff on in deapartment store fitting rooms? Because I'm tired of being jealous of everyone's left-hand ring finger bling? Because Im tired of being somewhat matched to everyone and being perfectly matched to no one? Because I want someone to cook for? Because I'd like to be able to talk to a guy, hold hands, go out to dinner and a movie and not have it hit the 6 o'clock news? Because now I realize its not all about me?

Author: There is always reason other than love that one would want to get married. You have to be open to yourself and to your partner about the real reason why you may want to take the plunge. Some people feel that it is their duty. Some people feel that it is just right for them. Others feel that they would like to start the family chapter in their life. What is it that is pushing you to feel like you really want to get married?

2) What do you love about your mate? Are things going to get annoying in time?

My answers: Like him chewing with his mouth open? Like him not putting the toilet seat down? Like him not realizing there is a difference between hand towels, dish towels and bath towels? Like him being Indian? Like him being a school teacher? Like him being a Cowboys' fan? Like him telling you you're pretty all the time? Like him crying during sad movies? Like him snoring? Like him not being religious or too religious? Like him driving a Maxima? Like him having a gap between his two front teeth? Like him being OCD or ADD? Like him being a perfectionist? Like him being a jerk sometimes?

Author: If they changed 'these things' that you love about them would you're love for them change as well. These are all good related questions that you will need to know answers about. You need to ask yourself such questions because you need to know if your love is conditional or unconditional. If it is conditional, you will know right away when you begin to think about it. Unconditional means things can change. The world can change, but nothing will ever change the way that you feel about the person. If change does exist, it is because you have fallen more in love them than you ever could image.

3) What are the things that you truly hate about the person?

Author: There are to be a few things that you hate about the person. Things that truly grate on your last nerve, however, if you can accept all of their faults to still want to get married, and then you really do love unconditionally.

4) The saying, "I love you, but I don't have to like you."

My answer: I've said this to almost all family members at one point or another, but don't awww anything just yet: they've told me the same plenty of times!

I agree with this statement. There are times when husband and wife will fight, thats inevitable. However, these fights should not ever change the fact that love exists between you two like glue to keep the bond. And love doesnt have to be purely an emotional, euphoric state of mind: it can be children, its respect, its admiration, its friendship. Its not really what two people feel for each but more so what they are to each other. :)

Author: Is there anything in the world that this person could do to make you love them any less. Things other than the obvious like cheating, lying, deceiving, and such. If there are things that are not the unacceptable behavior by most social standards, you may want to rethink the marriage, but you may still eventually be able to say, "yes," to marriage.

5) Are you ready to be a wife/husband? Have you two discussed your role in the marriage?

My answer: Am I ready to be a wife? This is tricky because I suppose I dont know what its truly like until I already am one. And by then its a tad too late. I agree people need to voice their concerns and expectations and stick to them to some degree. Be flexible, but also realize that if your personality will not allow you to let your wife work outside the home, then say so. Ladies -- if he says he wants a stay-at-home-wife, then either accept it, or move on. Don't automatically assume he will make exceptions later on for you.

Author: Some people will find that they jumped too quickly into marriage and then they ended up not realizing what that intended. You should tell your mate what you expect from them as your married partner. You need to have this conversation so that married life does not end up being a shock to you.

6) Ask yourself if this is something that you can make a commitment to. Is this something that you would be able to keep going for the rest of your life?

My answer mimicks the author's.

Author: Remember, saying "I Do," means more than just right now. It is a life changing experience. It is something that you are going to have to live with for the rest of your life. Divorce does not mean anything. It just means that you legally are not obligated to see the person anymore, but then there are the holidays and special occasions. You do not have to think that you can feel okay with marriage, because if it does not work out because of divorce you should want to get married because you want to spend the rest of your life sharing it with someone special.

7) How do you feel right now? Do you feel right now, like this is right?

Author: Let your heart, guide, but allow your brain to think things through. You will want to make sure that you feel right about the choice and that you can live with this.

http://www.submityourarticle.com/articles/Cucan-Pemo-1732/marriage-14047.php

It's not always going to be a fairytale, dream come true, happily ever after ideal situation, but you learn to give and take, compromise, share ideas and desires regardless of if you feel they will make you look like an idiot, and have mutual respect for each other.

I'm ready. I know it because Ive never been ready before and this time it's different. I dont want to wait. I dont want to 'get back to you' when I have a better answer for my preoccupation. I dont want to duck and dodge rishta Aunties.

I dont want to be single anymore.

I leave this post with Rob Thomas's words...

I dont want to be lonely no more

I dont want to have to pay for this

I dont want another lover at my door

Its just another heartache on my list.

I dont wanna be angry no more

You know I could never stand for this

So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure

I dont wanna be lonely anymore.