Umbrella Wars

Imagine that! I found a pic of my exact umbrella!

(on a speaker phone conversation with Ma and Mimi while on the train)

Ma: Make sure you dress warm and bring an umbrella
Me: What? Why? Wait, how do you know its raining here?
Ma: Farah, I am your mother. I know everything.
(It was ONE time, ONE TIME and I swear I didnt inhale...jk haha)
Mimi: Its not magic. We always watch the weather where you are in the mornings.
Me: Awww, really?
Mimi: Ha, yeah. Im curious about what kind of weather you're dealing with.

I miss my family. (green grass, blue sky, green grass, blue sky: its an old trick to avoid crying name everything you see by its color - it works)

...and here comes the rain. Great. Don't get me wrong, I love rain.... on a hot sticky afternoon in July when its hotter than hell and your sweat-dripping hair is plastered to you face), not when its just barely above freezing and the wind is blowing around fiercely bitch-slapping you in the face every which way you turn.

Now I know umbrellas are to be used and abused, and they get wet, sometimes they get bent, etc., but I still can not find it in me to place my umbrella on the floor of the commuter rail. Have you guys seen this being done? That floor is just about the nastiest, dirtiest place and people place stuff on the floor like its no big deal. Well, not me, not my umbrella. So there I am, sitting in my seat craddling my soaking wet umbrella in my lap like its a baby along with all the OTHER things I refuse to place on the floor. There's a rack above us and I think to place the umbrella up there and dismiss the thought just as quickly for I fear it will drip, drip, drip onto Mrs. Whole-Bottle-Of-Hairspray-In-My-Hair-So-It-Stays-In-Place's hair. (we cant have that, oh no, we cant have that!)

Are you guys wondering how much longer I can make this umbrella ordeal go on? Hours and hours on end. LOL.

Now Im on the city streets walking with umbrella in hand toward the hospital. There's that silly wind again only this time its coming from the front blowing the umbrella bar into my forehead repeatedly. I now have an imprint/gash on my forehead red enough to appear as if I've been to a Mandir for puja.

No, thats not the worst yet. Im walking down these narrow sidewalks, yes its raining, yes EVERYONE'S holding umbrellas but I find having to lower MY umbrella everytime for others to pass a bit too belittling and not only because my COACH umbrella is better than their Nautica one either. So here comes this one lady in black with a big huge black umbrella -- it's like one of those kinds that looks like an upside down bowl, or worse a stadium dome! -- I make up my mind: my umbrella stays up. She, and her gargantuan umbrella can go around me. Closer, closer, closer, she's not moving. LADY, HELLO! Cross over! Lady in Black headed straight for me. I close my eyes cuz this could get ugly, just MOVE lady, I think glad that under my umbrella no one can see me eyes shut and hands shaking. If she gets her umbrella tangled in mine Im going to sue her. I'm going to sue her and then Im going to push her into a puddle of rainwater. Seconds take hours to pass and I realize I didnt feel anything. Is my umbrella ok? Am I alive? Whats going on?

And then it hits me: In all my anguish and panic, I had actually stopped, in the middle of the sidewalk, and she was forced to go around me. I couldnt see, so I dont know if she lowered her umbrella, but I stood still, my umbrella stayed up and I hope time stood still too because I lost track of it and Im sure I looked silly just standing on the sidewalk for more than a few seconds.

Umbrella wars are no joke. I've been in an umbrella tangle before in driving rain, and if you live in a metropolitan city chances are you have, too. Its not pretty. Its not fun. Luckily the other parties have always been nice about it and I havent be sweared at or worse, chased half way across town by a raving lunatic homeless guy.