Definition:
lie -
1. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.
2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture: His flashy car was a lie that deceived no one.
3. an inaccurate or false statement.
4. the charge or accusation of lying: He flung the lie back at his accusers. –verb (used without object)
5. to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive.
6. to express what is false; convey a false impression. –verb (used with object)
Why does the world have to be so complicated? The fact that word, lie, has 6 different meanings to me states that depending on how much you pay your lawyer, anything is believable, to some extent.
I had this conversation with a friend last night, a debate over the word, lie, if you will. He stated that there are two definitions, one which pertains to the spoken, and one which pertains to the unspoken. I agree to some extent: unspoken lies are white lies; stretching the truth, half-truths, or those giving the false impression all fall under the category of a lie.
But, the debate part of our discussion lies in the following situation:
You are apart from your spouse. During the course of the day you meet someone on the street and you are attracted to them. You know your spouse will be upset upon hearing this because they have a jealous streak in them. You choose not to tell your spouse of the incident/attraction. Are you lying to them?
First of all, ignorance is bliss and what you do not know will not hurt you. Second of all, unless your spouse asks to know names and social security numbers of everyone you meet, you are not obligated to tell them anything. Unless they specifically say, "Honey, did you meet anyone you were attracted to?", why would you furnish this on your own?
Because it is unspoken, it is NOT a lie and furthermore because there is no intention on your part or your spouse's in knowing, it does not fit either definition of a lie.
I suppose what I am trying to say is if your spouse says to you, "Let me know the minute you come across someone you find attractive.", you are not obligated to say anything. Shut yo ass up and keep on. :)
I think when people go on to find and define all intentions and ways perfecting the art of lying, only then do people begin to have the deceit and ill-intention involved in getting around a sticky situation. Otherwise, its not an invitation to panick.
Moral: If you dont act guilty, feel guilty or seem guilty, you're probably not guilty. On the other hand, if you rationalize your actions, you're most likely guilty and will not have any need to lie because it will be so transparent to your spouse that they would not believe you if you said your own name.
There is only one definition for lying: leading someone to believe in something false. Whether you speak it, hear it, see it, or live it is irrelevant.
You either ask all questions upfront or you keep yo mouth shut! :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
So, if not directly asked about something is not lying...what about withholding the truth? That's not lying? or is that pleading the 5th?
withholding it how? there are certain things you know in a relationship are wrong: ie cheating, etc.
Smiling at a guy? harmless flirting? of course i think these are wrong too but thats just me.
Thinking someone is attractive who isnt a husband, boyfriend, crush etc? If he doesnt ask, he doesnt need to know. Right?
if he thinks you went grocery shopping and you actually went out with a guy............... you come back and he doesnt ask ya where you were... but you imply that you were at the grocery store.. or better yet he thinks that and you werent..then that is a WHITE lie... and yes you're withholding the truth
white lie - a harmless fib, minor
ok -- so i digress -- what i said to be a white lie.. i meant to mean its a bold faced lie because obviously it leads one to believe something that is not true
You're allowed to keep certain things to yourself. Husband and wife do not have the right to know everything we feel. Allah (swt) has also told us we're not responsible for everything we feel, so long as we don't act upon those feelings. If He doesn't hold us accountable, what right does our spouse have to?
For the sake of continuing with your example, married or not, you will find other people physically attractive - and your spouse does not ever need to know about that.
Shame on them for even asking though!
Concerning the multiple definitions of words, on the opposite end of the spectrum we see that rather than identifying something in many terms, the exact opposite – Vagueness and / or ambiguity.
Don’t we see that all the time, particularly in politics? We can’t get a clear definition on abortion or terrorism, yet these are two of the hottest issues we face today…or even what it takes to be a country. If something of that big a magnitude can not be agreed upon, how do we even try to explain the more trivial terms? I’m sure today we can all agree upon the definition of “paper” (sorry, you just can’t miss the Pearl’s comics on my desk, I always cite them in some form :} ), I’m sure the day the term demands more attention, we’ll find a way to disagree on it.
Khizzles got ma back! You're welcome on my blog anytime! :)
An event at the office today got me thinking about this post again, so I have a story to share.
Warning: Boredom at work may lead to explaining one paragraph stories in an unusually long fashion.
At the office, we have a week long training program going. Half of each department goes on alternating days, as to leave no department unstaffed. Being at an insurance agency, this obviously implies that the ‘phone people’ are going to have to pick up slack for their absent co-workers, particularly customer service reps.
There's one lady here, who after getting off a twenty minute call with a customer, needed a breather and ventured into the snack room to get a soda. Because it's training week, we have free drinks and food for everyone. As fate would have it, I received the short end of the stick and my job included serving everyone. This lady asks me if it is ok for her to grab another soda, after complaining for over a minute as to why she needed one; she hollered at me about her scratchy throat and how she was unable to speak after that infuriating call. (Ironically she had no problem talking to me for that long with a dry throat) I'm standing there thinking, "What is this, your life story? Don’t be pagal, just take it."
Then it's back to business. She returned to her desk. Now I don't know what happened here, but that ice-cold soda wasn't enough for her, because she was back within ten minutes for another drink. I'm certain she would have felt guilty asking for another soda, so she proceeded to the freezer to grab some ice cubes and fill her cup with water.
Sidetracking for a minute, what did your mom always get mad at you for as a kid? Picking your nose, beating up your brothers', (or trying to, being the youngest isn't all it's cracked up to be) leaving a bottle of milk with only half a sip left in it, and undoubtedly for not filling up the ice tray after using it. So you should be able to see where I'm going with this.
Ok, back to the story.
Already flustered, you can tell that she's just waiting for something to release all that pent up rage; that's when she opens the freezer to find an almost empty ice cube tray.
All right, I'll be honest. It wasn't clear that was going to set her off, because when she first started to complain about the ice cube tray not being filled, I laughed. It was humorous, right? This is a grown woman getting angry because someone left the ice cube tray with only two cubes remaining.
And then the tears came. Not literally, because I don't think she could spare the moisture, but you could see it by looking at her.
The next 30-45 seconds were interesting...no sooner did it start, my ears miraculously began to evolve and I was able to silence the screaming of this disgruntled co-worker,
"WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU TAKE ICE CUBES OUT AND NOT FILL THE TRAY?! WHY LEAVE JUST TWO CUBES LEFT FOR THE NEXT PERSON? THIS GETS ME SO MAD OH MY GOD WHY?!!!"
I thought she was joking at first, I really did. I smiled and laughed lightly, and no sooner did I realize she was so serious, she should have been wearing a suit.
And if you made it this far, bravo. There is a reason I am sharing this story.
As she continued to air her grievances, I thought it would be irresponsible of me to not say anything. Now, we barely ever use our ice tray at home, in fact my roommate uses it more than I do, but I told her, "don't worry, my roommates’ do that all the time and it annoys me as well."
This is a bold-faced lie. To my knowledge, my roommates’ have never done that before. I only said it so she wouldn't feel bad, that it's ok to get upset over that.
I'm guilty of lying on practically all accounts! The purpose was to deceive her, to make her think that I have the same problem. I did it to make her feel better. And it did! It calmed her down. She said in her politest tone, "Thank you. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Perhaps if I were to go back in time, I would be able to think of a more honest response, but that was the best that came to me on the spot.
I don't think it was wrong to do that. If I did anything improper, then Insha'Allah Allah (swt) will forgive me and guide me.
Post a Comment